Who replaced my newborn with the Hulk?

Watching myself put on forty pounds (of slushies, Edwin's brownies, and Bugles), I knew that my baby was going to be a nine-pounder.  I just knew it.  This idea wasn't solely my own, though; people I ran into pronounced that I was "all belly" (a term which, in my case, meant that I looked like an orange with toothpicks for arms and legs) and said that my baby was going to be big and long.

 

She was neither.  She was just under seven pounds and only nineteen inches long, although most of her weight and length seemed to be in her huge head (a term which, in my case, meant that I pushed for three hours).  Ella wasn't even what you would call a voracious eater at first, she was eating only a little over what they wanted for newborns.  But when we brought her home, all this changed... *cue ominous music*  Our delicate, ladylike little girl morphed into a slobbering, gulping creature, who would cry every hour on the hour as if I hadn't just fed her six ounces.  I think our neighbors were convinced we were starving her.  It was as if Ella finally felt free to show her true self in the comfort of her home.  Ten weeks later, my little princess has turned into a much cuter, female version of the Hulk.  Thirteen pounds, twenty-five inches long.  Already can wear some six month clothing. 



My dad recently came over to visit Ella and we got some great pictures.  On the left is Ella at four days old, on the right is Ella at ten weeks.  



 

Lastly, I'll include a picture which I have cried over every night since taking it.  Everyone says "time goes by quickly," but I never realized how true that was until I saw this picture of Ella's sleepers.  When my dad was leaving after his visit, he turned to Edwin and I with tears in his eyes and told us to value every second we had with her like this.  I remind myself of this when she's fussy or wakes me up at three in the morning, because now I realize that, in the future, there will be days when I will give anything for her to be ten weeks old again. 

 

"Why, mommy?"

My daughter's trust in me is terrifying.  In less than two months she will be put to sleep and undergo surgery; she will emerge from her dreams in pain and looking to me for comfort.  I both yearn for and fear that moment of wakefulness.  Certainly, I want to see her alert again, to know that she is well... however I dread that unspoken question in her wide, innocent baby eyes -- "Why, mommy?"  Although my husband and I understand the necessity behind this procedure and those to come, how do we articulate that to a child barely three months old?  What will I be able to do to console her but hold her, sing to her, tell her I love her?  How do I help my child with all of the inevitable pain before her?

This is my daily fear.  This is motherhood.

I wrote to my own mom this Mother's Day, saying that I now have a far greater understanding of the simultaneous joy and pain of motherhood than I ever had before.  She agreed, stating that being a mom is like wearing your heart on your sleeve, only to have it beaten again and again, never pulling it back. 

I cherish these moments with Ella; these moments with her wide, beautiful smile lighting up our apartment.  She doesn't know any better and that breaks my heart.  She doesn't know yet that she is "different" to other people; she doesn't know yet that some might say she has any reason to think of herself as less than "beeyooteeful," as I tell her every single day because I love the grin that follows.  My daughter still possesses that priceless innocence that only young children have. 

Going to church this Sunday

In the future, other children will make fun of her. People will glance, then look again and stare.  Touch-up surgeries will follow as she grows and her face changes.  These instances may be few and far between, but when they occur, she will be hurt and cry and look at me, asking, "Why, mommy?"  These are the harsh realities of the path before my sweet little girl.  So I cherish these moments before her first pain on July 29th.  It is in these precious moments that she still looks at me with that terrifyingly unshakeable trust and beams at me when I tell her she is beautiful.  I never want these moments to pass; I want to freeze time, I never want to go into that uncertain future. 

To do so, however, is my role as a mother.  Edwin reminds me of this gently, yet consistently.  Ella needs me to be calm, reassuring, to deserve her trust always.  She needs me to tell her every day for the rest of her life how beautiful she is, even if her trust in me wavers, even if all the world tells her otherwise, even if she's hurting.  Even though it will beat my heart a thousand times over, I will always be right next to my little girl to answer her, "Why, mommy?" 

The Catnapper Chronicles

At almost nine weeks old, Princess Granados is beginning to get into the habit of sleeping through the night.  She'll go anywhere from five to seven!!! (I guess on those nights she really loves me) hours at a time.  However, this is beginning to have a detrimental effect on her sleeping during the day: Instead of taking her regular, two hour plus naps during the day, she has begun to take catnaps.  These range from ten to thirty minutes, but no longer.  It's a miracle that I have been able to fit in a shower every day.  Not saying my hair has been washed as often as necessary (transparency for you)... but give me some credit for at least showering, please.  

Success! 

Ten minutes later.  See how her hands and feet are blurred?  That's what we call "crazy legs" and is the sign of impending wailing. 



After some skillful rocking, cuddling, etc.  I dared to get my hopes up, but then...

Fifteen minutes later.  She wins. 

This has been the pattern for about a week now.  For the sake of my now third-day hair, I need to get her to take longer naps.  Tips?  Tricks?  Help a girl (and her hair) out.



Dearest Ella

At my baby shower, my mom passed out a piece of paper to everyone.  It was a letter to Ella, on which the guests filled in blanks.  Much of what was written to my then-unborn daughter made me smile, cry.  I never want her to forget the heartfelt sentiments written to her that day.  This is the letter, filled with some of my favorite answers. 


Dearest Ella, I hope you...
get your mommy's emotional exuberance. 
get your daddy's gentleness. 
learn to speak fluent Spanish like your dad and be an encourager like your mom; to love the Lord and put Him first in your life; to be joyful no matter what.
love to read, sing, dance, play outside, and roll down hills.
try to be unstoppable, understanding, and forgiving.
never forget how beautiful and loved you are.  Most importantly, never forget to hug your parents.
are not afraid of moving across the United States for love [prioritize love]. 
one day become an advocate for others. 
Love,
your friends and family

Mommy Monthlies (May)

 

 

Well, I'm a mom now, and I've decided to try to blog every day for the first year of my daughter's life.  Ella's birthday is April 4th so I'm roughly seven weeks behind, but better late than never.  (My mommy mantra, seeing as how I cannot make it anywhere on time for the life of me these days.)  Some days, I'll double-up to reach the 365 mark.  I thought I'd kick it off with a blog about my favorite "mom'ish things" for the month of May.

 

White Cloud Diapers: My mom bought these when she was decorating for my baby shower way back in February.  According to her, they were the cheapest diapers at Wal-Mart.  Now fellow moms, don't scoff at them because they're inexpensive or because you've never teared up at an adorable White Cloud Diapers commercial on tv (to my knowledge, such commercials don't exist, although I'd be more than happy to have Ella star in one).  Mom gave me the diapers after the shower was over and, let me tell you, they are heaven-sent.  Pampers, Huggies, Luvs (Ugh, Luvs, many cute outfits have been victims of your leakiness!) have all fallen at the mercy of my daughter's explosive poops and flash flood pees.  White Cloud diapers alone have emerged victorious. 

Pampers Sensitive Skin Wipes: Open-minded when it comes to diapers, I guess I'm a wipes snob.  These wipes are the shiz.  Not saying all Pampers, but these specifically.  I've tried just about every kind, and they all feel dry and scratchy to the touch; I'd cringe whenever I used them on Ella's helpless little booty.  These, however, are as smooth as butter and super moist.  Whatever money I save by buying White Cloud Diapers I will use to splurge on these.  They are worth it. 

 

My Little Box of Bears: Edwin (aka "daddy" or "hubby") came home one night and surprised us with this collection of six picture books, all starring Ella's favorite animal.  The great thing is that all the books go into the adorable carrying case, which makes my living room look a little less cluttered.  Each book is colorfully illustrated (great for newborns' learning eyes) and contains lots of fun "noise-words" -- buzz, growl, etc -- that Ella loves to hear.  On the Half Price Books website, the prices hit around $12, but Edwin was able to find it for only $7 approximately in the store.  Either way, a great value for six books. 

Baby Trend Jogging Stroller: Seven weeks postpartum, I'm not going to front and say that I jog every day.  Let's be real.  But I have been going on walks almost daily (Ella sleeps, I get out of the house, it's a win-win type of thing).  I love the lightness of this jogging stroller (if it weren't for the extra lbs I packed on during pregnancy, pushing Ella up hills would be a piece of cake.  Mmm... cake.  Curse you, lingering preggo cravings.)  Anyway.  It's easy to maneuver, has great storage space, and has an mp3 hookup with speakers.  Favorite part: the carseat portion locks right into the base, making going from car to stroller easy.   

Ella Milestone: Lastly, I adore it when Ella slobbers all over her fingers.  Last week, she "discovered" them and has not been able to stop devouring them since.  Cracks me up.  One would think they were coated in breastmilk or Half Baked Ben and Jerry's icecream... Lord, I need to stop writing before these cravings overtake me.  But yeah, the finger-sucking melts my heart like the center of... gooey brownies.