Ella's Smile

My baby was born with a cleft lip and cleft palate.  The ultrasound tech saw them when I was eighteen weeks pregnant.  Another tech was called into the room and then a doctor and then a genetics specialist, all trying to answer with certainty the question suspended in the air.  Poking and prodding my stomach, they all squinted at the black and white screen above us.

"We're almost positive," the doctor finally proclaimed.  Then they warned me.  Apologized to me.  Warned me some more. 

I was cautioned that along with these birth defects my baby could have a genetic disorder, autism, Downs Syndrome... could not even live long enough to see this world. I smiled, asked all the right questions, agreed to blood tests and follow-ups, and made all the properly-optimistic statements, nodding and smiling.  Nodding and smiling.  Nodding and smiling.   

All the while, heart breaking and burning with sadness, pent-up tears, and the fear that they had instilled in me.   

Since that point of despair, I have learned many lessons; lessons I wish I could communicate to every expectant parent upon receiving such news.  The doctors, techs, and experts meant well, but they did not know what wonderful news they gave me that day.  God knit my beautiful baby together in my womb, perfectly and skillfully, just as He creates every other baby.  He gave her the gap in her lip so that her smile would be wider and happier.  And it is.  She is the most beautiful, most radiantly-smiling baby you'll ever meet, always grinning from ear to ear.  Her smile is my daily joy and my daily reminder to lift my head toward Heaven in gratitude.  

After Edwin got off work that evening months ago, we opened the envelope containing our baby's ultrasound pictures and gender result.  I had requested that the tech not tell me the gender during the appointment, but rather seal the results in an envelope so I could share the moment with Edwin.  When we read "It's a girl!", we both burst into tears of happiness.  Regardless of all the other news we had receieved that day, our thankfulness blotted it all out.  We named her then -- Ella, which means "whole, complete." 

 

Mommy Monthlies (May)

 

 

Well, I'm a mom now, and I've decided to try to blog every day for the first year of my daughter's life.  Ella's birthday is April 4th so I'm roughly seven weeks behind, but better late than never.  (My mommy mantra, seeing as how I cannot make it anywhere on time for the life of me these days.)  Some days, I'll double-up to reach the 365 mark.  I thought I'd kick it off with a blog about my favorite "mom'ish things" for the month of May.

 

White Cloud Diapers: My mom bought these when she was decorating for my baby shower way back in February.  According to her, they were the cheapest diapers at Wal-Mart.  Now fellow moms, don't scoff at them because they're inexpensive or because you've never teared up at an adorable White Cloud Diapers commercial on tv (to my knowledge, such commercials don't exist, although I'd be more than happy to have Ella star in one).  Mom gave me the diapers after the shower was over and, let me tell you, they are heaven-sent.  Pampers, Huggies, Luvs (Ugh, Luvs, many cute outfits have been victims of your leakiness!) have all fallen at the mercy of my daughter's explosive poops and flash flood pees.  White Cloud diapers alone have emerged victorious. 

Pampers Sensitive Skin Wipes: Open-minded when it comes to diapers, I guess I'm a wipes snob.  These wipes are the shiz.  Not saying all Pampers, but these specifically.  I've tried just about every kind, and they all feel dry and scratchy to the touch; I'd cringe whenever I used them on Ella's helpless little booty.  These, however, are as smooth as butter and super moist.  Whatever money I save by buying White Cloud Diapers I will use to splurge on these.  They are worth it. 

 

My Little Box of Bears: Edwin (aka "daddy" or "hubby") came home one night and surprised us with this collection of six picture books, all starring Ella's favorite animal.  The great thing is that all the books go into the adorable carrying case, which makes my living room look a little less cluttered.  Each book is colorfully illustrated (great for newborns' learning eyes) and contains lots of fun "noise-words" -- buzz, growl, etc -- that Ella loves to hear.  On the Half Price Books website, the prices hit around $12, but Edwin was able to find it for only $7 approximately in the store.  Either way, a great value for six books. 

Baby Trend Jogging Stroller: Seven weeks postpartum, I'm not going to front and say that I jog every day.  Let's be real.  But I have been going on walks almost daily (Ella sleeps, I get out of the house, it's a win-win type of thing).  I love the lightness of this jogging stroller (if it weren't for the extra lbs I packed on during pregnancy, pushing Ella up hills would be a piece of cake.  Mmm... cake.  Curse you, lingering preggo cravings.)  Anyway.  It's easy to maneuver, has great storage space, and has an mp3 hookup with speakers.  Favorite part: the carseat portion locks right into the base, making going from car to stroller easy.   

Ella Milestone: Lastly, I adore it when Ella slobbers all over her fingers.  Last week, she "discovered" them and has not been able to stop devouring them since.  Cracks me up.  One would think they were coated in breastmilk or Half Baked Ben and Jerry's icecream... Lord, I need to stop writing before these cravings overtake me.  But yeah, the finger-sucking melts my heart like the center of... gooey brownies.