Friday Favorites



Do you see what I see?

The constant hand-gnawing and drool clued us in.

So many pictures. So many memories to record.  So many changes.  Our little boo is already five months old/twenty-one weeks old.  Growing like a weed, we have gone from measuring Ella's feedings in "ml's" to "whole bottles full."  She sits.  She tries to escape from all bouncers, carseats, and cribs.  She is constantly sharing her thoughts with us in her gurgly Chewbaca language.  She loves her feet, the song "Let it Go" from Frozen, and watching people brush their teeth.  Oh, and she has TEETH!  Two tiny chompers in the bottom middle that totally caught us by surprise.  I can hear her future teachers already: "Mrs. Granados, I'm sorry to tell you this, but Ella... well, she bit a classmate today."  Below are some of my favorite pictures from the last week or so. 

Whenever I put Ella in her carseat, I squeal, "We're going on a trippy!" and she gets so excited, regardless of whether we're going to do laundry or see Nana.  She even gets excited to go to the doctor, and rarely cries during any of those trips.  Best errand buddy ever.

Still her favorite part of the day.  



We have hours and hours of fun together.  I love being this special girl's mom.  She is constantly making me smile... laugh... cheering me up if I'm down.  And, of course, she has come to love the camera.  Just look at what a little showoff she is!  Until it gets to the one on the bottom left, and then she's sooo over it.  

Foot-obsessed.  

Sometimes, I look at her and think, "There is no way that huge child is my baby Ella!"  Being the overly-emotional person that I am, I cry about it regularly.  Above, she's taking a nap next to me while I worked on homework.  Oh, that potbelly...! :')

This week, I finally had to start strapping Ella into her bouncer, swing, etc. (don't worry, I always kept a close eye on her when leaving her unstrapped) because she has gotten to the point of sitting up and trying to pull herself out.  She was not too amused with her restraints.  

Preparing for Cleft Lip Surgery

Ella's surgery is about three weeks behind us.  She has done better than any of us expected (more on the actual surgery and recovery soon).  For now, I want to give attention to the days I spent preparing for the surgery, particularly the questions I asked.  My hope is, as usual, to give information to those with #cleftstrong babies and also to shed light onto a issue not familiar to many. 

Day before the surgery. 

Morning of surgery.  Holding onto that delicious pacifier for dear life!

I'll focus on the questions I had for her surgeon.  A brief introduction: His name is Dr. Liau and he has been nothing short of a God-send to our little family.  We first met when I was about six or seven months pregnant.  Nervous, unsure of what the future had in store for my baby girl, and still undecided about where I wanted her cared for, he immediately put my mind at ease and made the decision of going to UK Hospital the easiest in the world.  He handed me his cell number and e-mail address, telling me to let him know the second Ella was born because he wanted to come see her and to also e-mail him with any questions I had.  What also helped tremendously both on that first day of meeting him and in the months to come was his blog: http://ukhealthcare.net/cleft-care/about-cleft-lip-and-cleft-palate/.  The before and after pictures astounded me.  I sincerely hope that every child has the blessing of a surgeon such as him.  (If you're even remotely close to Lexington, Kentucky, he is worth the drive!) 

 

Anyway, you better believe that I took him up on his offer to e-mail him with questions.  General ones along the way about insurance, feeding, and such, as well as more specific ones as the surgery drew closer.  Here are the pre-surgery questions, his answers, and any added advice from me post-surgery. 

 

Do we need to bring anything with us for Ella?  Anything that in your experience has been helpful?  He said, "That’s a great question.  I think anything (toy, blanket, or stuffed animal) that comforts and soothes her will help.  Hopefully you’ll only be here in the hospital for overnight only so I wouldn’t pack too much.  Unfortunately you may not get much sleep so bring something for yourself to occupy yourself as well."  Looking back, we used most of Ella's toys, blankets, etc. prior to her surgery.  We had to be at the hospital at 5:30 AM and, because of the pre-surgery rules, she was not allowed to eat (breastmilk) after 3:00 AM.  When she woke up in the waiting room, she was hungry, disoriented, and tired.  This is when we pulled out her toys -- she particularly enjoyed the pacifier, which we had NEVER allowed her to use before.  Honestly, we didn't use those items much after her surgery.  She was sleeping the majority of the time and kind of "out of it."  Mom and dad, you are the best things to help at this point.  

 

Laptops, phone chargers, cameras, and sweaters because hospitals try to replicate Arctic temperatures.  Most of the time, though, I just held my baby and rocked her.  Didn't get much relaxation time (or sleep at night!!!), you're forewarned.  Lastly, it's probably a good idea to bring some food/snacks.  Our hospital provided meals for me and that was only because I was pumping for Ella (meaning that I was the patient's food source, essentially).  They didn't provide meals for Edwin. 

 

Will we need anything ready for her when we come home?  Any prescriptions or other things that will make the healing process easier? He said, "Nothing too special for her when you go home.  Some q tips and Vaseline or antibiotic ointment (any will do) to help clean her nose.  You can bathe her without any restrictions.  As for prescriptions, we’ll get them too you before you leave for home; they’ll be an antibiotic for 2 more days and pain medication." Ella stayed on the antibiotic for two days after we left the hospital and on the pain medication, at increasing intervals, for about four days.  She hated both.  If your child vomits up the medicine like Ella, try breaking it down into smaller doses more frequently (after double-checking with your pharmacist).  That's what we had to do.  Also, I've seen that a lot of babies have to wear the arm restraints.  Dr. Liau doesn't make his patients wear them.  In his words, "I've yet to see a three-month-old pick at stitches."  I agree with him: Ella didn't seem to need them at all.  The only slight downside was that she would occasionally hit her lip with her hand and cry for a couple seconds, but I don't think it would have been worth the hassle overall to wear the arm weights.  So if they seem to be torturing your baby... I might say just take them off. 

 

Where will she be sent for recovery and can we stay with her?  He said, "She’ll go to the Post Anesthesia Care Unit (PACU) and usually stays there for an hour.  They’ll get you up there as soon as the nurse and anesthesia team feels she is awake enough…usually about 30 min after getting there."  Being led up to PACU seemed like the longest walk of my life and seeing my baby in the nurse's arms... such a bittersweet moment.  We (just Edwin and I were allowed) stayed there for about thirty minutes and then were led to Ella's room after the nurses saw that she could eat some and was breathing well.  That's one of the major concerns post-anesthesia, apparently. 

First moments seeing her in the PACU.  This picture still brings tears to my eyes....  The little blood-stained lips, the oxygen tube, the nose that looked so unfamiliar to me.  It brings back all the medicine smells, all the sounds of her little whimpers and cries...  Gosh, this picture kills me. 

Under what circumstances will she be discharged?  Does she have to meet any eating requirements?  He said, "As long as she is doing well with the pain medication and drinking enough for wet diapers I’m fine with you all going home.  Most kids actually do better at home!  They may be pretty fussy in the beginning but usually by morning things have turned the corner and they are doing much better."  The nurses had us track Ella's feedings and they weighed her diapers.  She is such a fighter and ended up going home around 11:00 AM the next day!  Dr. Liau was right on the money -- it was thousands and thousands of times easier at home.  Just hang in there til you get to go home and you'll be fine, I promise. 

 

If you have questions besides the ones I asked, that's what the comment section below is for!  If I don't know the answer, I have a really great doctor in mind who I'm sure can help.  Also, if you're a #cleftstrong parent and have advice or additional information to add, please go for it!   

Be Prepared

I want my blog to serve as a source of both information and encouragement to parents who find out their children have clefts.  Looking back, I remember the relief I felt when I stumbled across websites or bumped into people who had gone through what I was experiencing.  As cliché as it may sound, the very knowledge that I was not alone provided me with comfort and strength.  With this in mind, I record some of the things I wish I had been prepared for.

 

I wish I had been prepared for the NICU.  I went into my labor never imagining that Ella would have to stay in the NICU.  We knew every other part of her body was healthy -- heart, lungs, brain -- and she was full-term so it didn't occur to me that she would have to stay there.  I wish I had known this was a possibility beforehand; wish I didn't have to find out she'd be there from a random pediatrician I had never met before and never saw again.  "Your daughter will be staying in the NICU until we can make sure she doesn't have any problems feeding."  This news devastated me.  I had mentally prepared for my daughter to be in a little bassinet feet from me, not an entire floor above me (trust me, it seems like farther away than it sounds.)  Ella stayed there from Friday to Monday and it was rough, very rough.  Every second that the NICU was open to visitors, I limped upstairs to be by her side.  But still, I wasn't able to feel like she was truly "mine" until I carried her through our apartment doors.  I don't know if the NICU is a requirement for every baby with a cleft, since clefts do vary in severity, however I wish I had at least known it was a possibility. 

I wish I was prepared for peoples' lack of knowledge.  Even though clefts occur in about one in every eight-hundred births (very common, if you think about how many babies are born every day!), not that many people know about them.  Be ready for people to ask you about the cause.  I even had people insinuate that Ella's cleft was my fault or that it was somehow a result of my environment.  More often than not, those who make such statements don't mean anything bad, they simply say so out of ignorance.  As parents of babies with clefts, it's our job to educate others (calmly and gently), so that our children have a better future.  Also be prepared for people to think that your child's cleft is more debilitating than it truly is -- some aren't aware of the advances in surgical practices, therapies, feeding, etc. 

While you are pregnant, you need to know that you can tell people about the cleft in your own time.  If you want to spread the news as soon as you find out, that's fine.  If you want to wait until the delivery, that's perfectly fine too.  It is your news to share, whether sooner or later.  It took me a long time to cope with the news, so I waited longer to share.  I don't view this as "hiding" anything, nor was it because I was ashamed of my daughter.  You also have the right to pick and choose who you want to tell.  I promise you this though, you will be happily surprised by your loved ones' reactions.  I received infinite support from my family and friends.

A lot goes into repairing a cleft.  I'm all for downplaying it to extended family and acquaintances by saying stuff like "They'll just stich it right up" because, on the one hand, having a cleft is by no means the end of the world and everyone should know this.  On the other hand, the cleft can affect many parts of a child's life beyond their outer appearance -- speech, eating, their teeth, their hearing, the list goes on and on.  I don't say this to scare anyone (trust me, your doctors have the situation under control and they've prepared for the effects long before they've even crossed your mind), but you do need to be ready for these things.  Just the other day, it hit me that Ella will start teething soon and we need to start thinking about how her teeth will be affected by the gap in her gum line.  A cleft requires strength from parents and children alike.  That's why I love the Instagram hashtag #cleftstrong.   

I'll end with this: Be prepared for joy.  Be prepared to completely forget about the cleft.  When I look at Ella, I swear that I don't even see it.  It's hard to explain and maybe it doesn't make sense, but I just see my baby and she is perfect to me.  Be prepared for the most special child, whose wide smile will light up every second of your every day.  Be prepared to find a hero in the eyes of an infant, so strong, so brave.  Be prepared to look at everyone else through a different lens forevermore.  Be prepared for love.

That Parenting Moment When...

That parenting moment when...
... you realize you're about to take a long, delicious sip from your daughter's bottle.
... you peek over the edge of your daughter's crib, praying to see a peacefully sleeping infant, and all you see are those big, wide-awake, terrifying eyes.  Watching their prey.  *music from Psycho*
... you realize why your daughter is so easily calmed when you sway her from side to side while she stares at her favorite lamp -- you are hypnotizing her.
... you also realize that she smiles at the aforementioned lamp far more than she smiles at you.  
... you have to choose between eating and sleeping.
... you find yourself in tears while listening to the soundtrack of Disney's Tarzan.  This song has taken on a whole new meaning to me.  *sob*  

... your daughter takes a two hour nap strapped into her carseat after you've arrived home because you really, really, really don't want to wake her up. 

... everyone suddenly becomes a potential babysitter.  

Ella and my slightly reluctant younger brother Matthew.  She loved every second.

... you convince yourself that your daughter looks just like you at her age even though, fortunately for her, there is no resemblance.  

Me at birth.  Oh, that forehead....

Your Daddy

Dear Ella, you have a daddy who adores you.  The evening before we found out you were sent to us, your daddy drove through the rain after a long day of work to a Walgreens in Frankfort, Kentucky.  Bought two pregnancy tests for mommy at home, who was practically pacing the floors in nervous anticipation.  Daddy told me to use one the second he got home, but I couldn't.  Daddy told me to use one when he left for work the next morning, but I couldn't then either.  (Understand that I loved you already, baby girl, and I couldn't bear to see a negative sign on the test.)  Finally I worked up the courage, took the test, and sent your daddy a picture of the result with tears of joy in my eyes.  Completely taken off guard, he ran to the bathroom to see my text.  When he read it, he says that he got warm and red in the face.  When he read it, he says you made him the happiest man in this world. 

Ella, you have a daddy who would do anything for you.  During my pregnancy, all I had to do was say, "Ella wants ______," and your daddy would go out to get me whatever I had said "you" wanted -- 3:00 PM or 3:00 AM, it didn't matter.  I have seen him change your diapers with looks of absolute terror on his face, but he pushes through (using close to a whole package of wipes every time) because he would do anything for you.  Your Daddy spent hours and hours meandering the aisles of Babies R Us with mommy, painting your nursery, and putting together your crib and dresser.  Daddy works tirelessly for you Monday-Friday, and even on the weekends he doesn't get a break, but rather helps mommy with the cleaning, grocery shopping, and tending to you.  He is exhausted more often than not, but he goes on for you, little girl.  That man would do anything for you; he will always fight for you.

Ella, you have a daddy who is a role model for you.  He is this way because of his daddy, your Abuelito, who was a role model for him.  Abuelito passed down a legacy of strong, noble fatherhood to daddy, giving him the best character, work ethic, and faith in God.  I want you to have his perseverance, love for family, fearlessness, selflessness, and unshakeable sense of right and wrong.  I have seen daddy do a U-turn to give a homeless person food to eat.  I have seen him serve others without a thought towards his own needs.  I have seen him read from Scripture with his voice full of emotion, knowing what encouragement and inspiration he finds there.  With tears in his eyes, I have listened as he speaks of his family far away and of how much he loves and misses them.  This is a man, Ella, whose footsteps you should follow in.

Lastly, darling Ella, you have a daddy who is like the man you need to look for as your husband.  Many men will come your way and try to open your heart, but keep it locked until you find that one man who possess all of daddy's qualities I just mentioned.  I tell you from experience, that man is worth waiting for.  Daddy will help you guard your heart on your journey; trust him and never push him away.   

I love you, baby girl.  Take my words to heart.
Mommy

Who replaced my newborn with the Hulk?

Watching myself put on forty pounds (of slushies, Edwin's brownies, and Bugles), I knew that my baby was going to be a nine-pounder.  I just knew it.  This idea wasn't solely my own, though; people I ran into pronounced that I was "all belly" (a term which, in my case, meant that I looked like an orange with toothpicks for arms and legs) and said that my baby was going to be big and long.

 

She was neither.  She was just under seven pounds and only nineteen inches long, although most of her weight and length seemed to be in her huge head (a term which, in my case, meant that I pushed for three hours).  Ella wasn't even what you would call a voracious eater at first, she was eating only a little over what they wanted for newborns.  But when we brought her home, all this changed... *cue ominous music*  Our delicate, ladylike little girl morphed into a slobbering, gulping creature, who would cry every hour on the hour as if I hadn't just fed her six ounces.  I think our neighbors were convinced we were starving her.  It was as if Ella finally felt free to show her true self in the comfort of her home.  Ten weeks later, my little princess has turned into a much cuter, female version of the Hulk.  Thirteen pounds, twenty-five inches long.  Already can wear some six month clothing. 



My dad recently came over to visit Ella and we got some great pictures.  On the left is Ella at four days old, on the right is Ella at ten weeks.  



 

Lastly, I'll include a picture which I have cried over every night since taking it.  Everyone says "time goes by quickly," but I never realized how true that was until I saw this picture of Ella's sleepers.  When my dad was leaving after his visit, he turned to Edwin and I with tears in his eyes and told us to value every second we had with her like this.  I remind myself of this when she's fussy or wakes me up at three in the morning, because now I realize that, in the future, there will be days when I will give anything for her to be ten weeks old again. 

 

"Why, mommy?"

My daughter's trust in me is terrifying.  In less than two months she will be put to sleep and undergo surgery; she will emerge from her dreams in pain and looking to me for comfort.  I both yearn for and fear that moment of wakefulness.  Certainly, I want to see her alert again, to know that she is well... however I dread that unspoken question in her wide, innocent baby eyes -- "Why, mommy?"  Although my husband and I understand the necessity behind this procedure and those to come, how do we articulate that to a child barely three months old?  What will I be able to do to console her but hold her, sing to her, tell her I love her?  How do I help my child with all of the inevitable pain before her?

This is my daily fear.  This is motherhood.

I wrote to my own mom this Mother's Day, saying that I now have a far greater understanding of the simultaneous joy and pain of motherhood than I ever had before.  She agreed, stating that being a mom is like wearing your heart on your sleeve, only to have it beaten again and again, never pulling it back. 

I cherish these moments with Ella; these moments with her wide, beautiful smile lighting up our apartment.  She doesn't know any better and that breaks my heart.  She doesn't know yet that she is "different" to other people; she doesn't know yet that some might say she has any reason to think of herself as less than "beeyooteeful," as I tell her every single day because I love the grin that follows.  My daughter still possesses that priceless innocence that only young children have. 

Going to church this Sunday

In the future, other children will make fun of her. People will glance, then look again and stare.  Touch-up surgeries will follow as she grows and her face changes.  These instances may be few and far between, but when they occur, she will be hurt and cry and look at me, asking, "Why, mommy?"  These are the harsh realities of the path before my sweet little girl.  So I cherish these moments before her first pain on July 29th.  It is in these precious moments that she still looks at me with that terrifyingly unshakeable trust and beams at me when I tell her she is beautiful.  I never want these moments to pass; I want to freeze time, I never want to go into that uncertain future. 

To do so, however, is my role as a mother.  Edwin reminds me of this gently, yet consistently.  Ella needs me to be calm, reassuring, to deserve her trust always.  She needs me to tell her every day for the rest of her life how beautiful she is, even if her trust in me wavers, even if all the world tells her otherwise, even if she's hurting.  Even though it will beat my heart a thousand times over, I will always be right next to my little girl to answer her, "Why, mommy?" 

Friday Favorites

I would like to start off by saying the following: You know you're a mom when you're happy to have someone spit up on you.  After feeding about thirty minutes ago, Ella had a pretty big spitup all over me.  I was thrilled simply because I was swimming in it, yet none got on her outfit.  It's the little things....  Anyway, here are my favorite pictures from the week. 



That outfit, though!  I can't get over it.  Granted, it came off after about an hour when I realized that the tutu style, although utterly adorable, was not conducive to changing poopy diapers.  This dress will be reserved for church, doctor's appointments, trips to see family, etc.  Trust me, I learned this lesson the hard way.  RIP, cute and ruffly chevron romper. 

Yes, this is how my child sleeps.  She is not the cuddly, hold-me-close type of sleeper.  She is the I-must-not-have-my-arms-or-legs-covered-by-even-a-centimeter-of-fabric type of sleeper.

I was getting ready to change her diaper and she brook out into the hugest stretch.  This is a habit with Ella; she's done it since day one.  Which I guess partially accounts for all the movement I felt while pregnant. 

This is I guess what you could call a non-favorite.  I think she's getting too big for the infant insert in her bouncer.  *tear*  The first step is admitting it.... at least I'm out of the denial stage.  





Dearest Ella

At my baby shower, my mom passed out a piece of paper to everyone.  It was a letter to Ella, on which the guests filled in blanks.  Much of what was written to my then-unborn daughter made me smile, cry.  I never want her to forget the heartfelt sentiments written to her that day.  This is the letter, filled with some of my favorite answers. 


Dearest Ella, I hope you...
get your mommy's emotional exuberance. 
get your daddy's gentleness. 
learn to speak fluent Spanish like your dad and be an encourager like your mom; to love the Lord and put Him first in your life; to be joyful no matter what.
love to read, sing, dance, play outside, and roll down hills.
try to be unstoppable, understanding, and forgiving.
never forget how beautiful and loved you are.  Most importantly, never forget to hug your parents.
are not afraid of moving across the United States for love [prioritize love]. 
one day become an advocate for others. 
Love,
your friends and family

Two Months Taught Me:

1. If you need to leave the house by 12:00, be ready to leave at 11:00.  Right as we're headed out the door, Ella has her poop explosions.  Every time, without fail.   

2. Baby boys are not the only ones whose pee you have to look out for while changing diapers. 

3. Ella will sleep through our vacuum (which doubles as a freight train) during the day, but at night when I desperately need her to stay asleep, the sound of me pulling my pjs on is enough to wake her up. 

4. This year, spitup and slobber stains are totally "in" for the summer season. 

5. Things must be done in order of absolute necessity.  I haven't worn makeup in weeks.

6. Always have a change of clothes in the diaper bag.

7. Forget being right handed -- I have now mastered the art of doing everything one handed, right or left.

8. I have never been so terrified of driving or going up and down stairs in my entire life.

9. A very little person can generate more dirty laundry than two adults combined. 

10. When they tell you, "Get your sleep while you're pregnant," they mean it. 

The day the learning began.

Friday Favorites

These are the pictures taken during the week that I adore.  I want to do one of these posts every Friday so that I can have that wonderfully alliterative title... so work with me here and pretend it's still Friday.

This week, Ella became obsessed with the animals hanging over her bouncer (left) and swing (right).  Not to the point of trying to reach out and touch them yet, but she legit will stare at them for hours with that same face of amazement plastered over her face.    

This outfit would have made for a cute enough picture.  The hand gesture was a bonus.

Spending time cuddled on the couch with me and daddy.  There is no one in this world who can make her light up like Edwin. It melts my heart.  As you can tell from the picture on the left, she's glued to his every move and word.   



Let's be real, even though every piece of newborn literature tells us not to, sometimes we nap with our babies.  There, I said it.